1. take shitty photo
2. open in paint and resize to 10x10 pixels
3. save as low quality jpg
4. open in windows photo viewer
5. zoom in as far as possible
6. screenshot entire monitor
7. upload resulting image to imgur
Went to dinner with my girlfriend and her parents + sisters yesterday. First time I had ever spent more than five minutes in her family's company.
Started alright, dished out some pretty sweet smalltalk, got to Nandos. Things took a turn for the worst, however, when we were told we'd have to wait for 15 minutes for a table. This resulted in the six of us waiting by the door, menus in hand, with barely any chatter (her family, while nice, are infamously non-talkative).
We get to the table and her dad catches on that I still have no idea what to order. I explain that I'm not a big fan of chicken and have never been to a Nandos before, but I'm sure it'll be fine. I think he interpreted this as me needing help, however, so he spent a few minutes explaining how the menu works to me.
After I had figured out a dish (butterfly burger?) it came to deciding the sauce. Now, I showed some apprehension going for the spicier sauces (there's like, a tier list) due to my experience with the spiciness of Portugese cuisine compared to normal spiciness, so he went across the restaurant and got me several 600ml glass bottles of the sauces for me to dap on a tissue and try. The stuff literally wouldn't come out, however, so I had to hold it while my girlfriend pounded the end.
Surprisingly, no catastrophe occured with the first bottle, but I decided it was too spicy for my liking. So, it came to the second bottle. Same procedure; gf hitting the end while I held it.
I got some on the tissue and gently lowered the bottle down to the table, where it immediately exploded.
Half our table was now covered in about 600ml of Nando's Medium PERi-PERi Sauce, with the glass shattering in all directions. A shard swept across her mum's finger, causing a cut that required two plasters from the kitchen to stop the bleeding.
In the awkward silence that immediately followed, I could only do the natural thing - dipping my finger in the motionless puddle of sauce, tasting it and then announcing that "Actually, this one's alright."
tl;dr 20mins into dinner with my gf parent's and I made her mother bleed