As a medic, i truly hate you.

Orion · 9 Jul 2009

As a medic, i truly hate you.

Copy pasted from the steam boards, tis pretty old i know but late night browsing led me to this one night and i found it worth posting here.

Link : http://forums.steampowered.com/forums/showthread.php?t=724321

1. The Screamer. Players spamming E for an overcharge while running back and forth in front of me. Trust me I can see you. I can also see the other 4 teammates behind you that are ON ♥♥♥♥ING FIRE AND ABOUT TO DIE. I'll get to you later stop spamming me.

2. Rambo. You're low on health and there's no one else around. The second I start healing you you instantly make a mad suicide rush for the nearest hoard of enemies (you're also 9 times out of 10 a pyro). I feel a little bad about leaving you to die for just a second before I remember that you're an ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ that expected me to follow you to your death.

3. The Emo. Most times I find you camping out in a dark corner somewhere well behind the line brooding about how your parents don't understand you, and waiting for a health pack to respawn. I know you think all life is pain and all that bs, but if you need health call for a medic. I'll find you a lot faster that way.

4. The Space Cadet. Ok demo/soldier we both spawned at the same time and have a long hike ahead of us to get to the front line. The sun is bright and there's lots of shiny things to distract you from things like wanting to win but for the love of god blow yourself up so I can get an uber going. At the very least you'll be able to keep up with me if you use your rockets or stickies to give you a boost every once in a while. Is that too much to ask?

5. Propeller Heads. When good medics are confronted by an enemy the best tactic we have is a simple one. Keep the dumb sack of meat alive and between us and the high velocity projectiles. To us you are a large lump of glorified cover. Rocket or sticky jumping away from the medic at the first time a scout rushes you gets your medic killed. I know you think you can set up better shots from way up there, but most of the time I'm not around to witness it because my cover just left me to die. Remember, if I have to take out the bluts to take care of business, I'm not putting it away just to start healing your deserting ♥♥♥ again.

6. The 5 Second Man. I've got the whole team on the front line and a full Uber. You get on the voice channel and yell for an uber. All right this guy is ready to tear it up, lets do this. I hit the uber and you shoot one rocket and spend the next 4 seconds reloading. Or I uber you and you put your flame thrower away start shotgunning people because your out of ammo. Or I hit the uber and your mini-gun starts clicking 2 seconds into it and you PULL OUT A SANDWICH. Is simple math beyond your grasp? If I wanted the person I ubered to use a shotgun I'd uber an engineer. If you don't have at least 8 rockets, full grenade/sticky launchers, 100 bullets, or a half tank of fuel DON'T ASK.

7. Tunnel Vision. Most good players learn to stay around areas that let your medic take cover while you take care of business. Having a general idea of where your medic is located isn't a very hard skill to master. You have not mastered this skill. I'm standing in front of you. I'm facing you. I'm running around like a mad fool trying to dodge that strange hail of bullets, rockets, and grenades that mysteriously seem to be flying past you. Yet you refuse to turn around for a quick look behind you, and instead try to aim around me to keep sending your spray of mini gun bullets towards the scout half way across the map. WHY? I've got my back turned to him, this is your clue that he's not the problem you should be worried about.

8. The Ingrate. "Why'd you uber me man, I wasn't even ready yet." It probably had something to do with the hoard that jumped out at me and almost killed me. If I've got an uber and I'm about to die, I don't care if you're a sniper, I'm going to pop it. It's like the hot drunk chick at the bar that seems to like your acne ridden ♥♥♥. Don't ask, just roll with it.

9. The Loner. The entire team is headed one way, you're headed off on your own. I don't care how much you want a personal doctor, I'm going to stick with the team. I'll build an uber faster by overcharging 6 people than I will by following you around some long obscure path so you can set up an ambush. If you survive your little ambush, good for you. Call for a medic when you get back to the front line and I'll patch you up. Otherwise stop calling, I've got better things to do.

10. The Shy Medic. Yes this is a medic, but a stupid one. They seem to have trouble grasping the basic concepts of being a medic. Like for instance, when you're ubered both you and the person you're healing are invincible. You can do something with this, like go stand in the middle of that sentry nest so they all turn and look at you instead of the demo you're ubering. Or the soldiers behind him that you aren't ubering. Or if you're really smart you'll stand behind the engineer so his sentry turns around and kills him. Or, you know, you could just hang back and let your demo get kicked all over the place while trying to lay down his stickys. Whatever you feel comfortable with.

11. Private Doctor. The whole team has just suffered an assault from a large group of Pyros. They are all on fire, but you have a focus. Despite the screaming of the dying coming at you from every side you choose to keep healing that Heavy. Nothing can change your resolve to keep him at 450 health. There might be a sniper around after all.

12. The Health Stealers. Fair enough if someone is on fire and close to death and/or completely oblivious to my presence then it's ok, but someone who steals a medipack right in front of you when you the Medic have a tiny sliver of health left and you're the one with the damn gun that can heal people really wind me up. Priority #1 in the presence of a Medic with a brain (the crap Medics are usually too slow/stupid to be able to handle healing multiple targets quickly in their proximity) is to keep them alive at all costs - that means letting the Medic pick up health packs. An alive Medic = someone who can heal you up to 50% more than you would get from that medikit anyway.

13. The Runner. An idiot who is similar to "The Screamer" constantly calls medic then proceeds to dart in and out of your other team mates so you can't lock onto them. Then wonder why you didn't heal them and proceed to abuse you.

14. The Ungrateful Git
You've healed the soldier up to near full health, or full health if no-one else calls medic. It's quiet, so do I get a "Thanks!"? Anyone? Z then 2 anyone? I've been healing you all, and only a few, if one of you take the time to say "Thanks!". I could've been a spy and taken them out, but I decided to be medic to help you all. It's simple; Z, then 2, to say Thanks. It really makes the job a lot more satisfying.

15. The Bloodhound
So, you've got the uber ready, there's a sentry around the corner, you both rush, you hit it... and your target goes on a mad dash and doggedly pursues that one random guy, like that enemy spy who has his disguise kit out, instead of going for the sentry or even other people. He will continue his chase even when the uber is running out. Chances are, this will be a pyro, though soldiers have shown this habit as well. There was a time when I would accompany these people and hope they would actually do something useful, but I've found it's better to bug out as soon as you can and let the fool reap what he's sown.

16. The Gentleman - Politely steps aside in narrow corridors so the charging pyro can more easily reach his true target, the human matchstick holding the ubergun.

17. The Medicphobic Medic: Your team has 2 or more Medics, and you're up towards the front line pushing your team and healing up your brave comrades throwing themselves into battle. In the process, you catch an errant grenade or flaregun shot or what have you, and are near death. You stand by one of your fellow Medics calling for his assistance. He continues to heal other players, ignoring you completely until you finally expire.
Click to expand...

Reag · 9 Jul 2009

Re: As a medic, i truly hate you.

Amazingly true, medics get neglected.

FastJohn · 9 Jul 2009

Re: As a medic, i truly hate you.

good read.

respect the medic

Bulletproof · 9 Jul 2009

Re: As a medic, i truly hate you.

nice

Savage · 9 Jul 2009

Re: As a medic, i truly hate you.

I lol'd xD

Bulletproof · 9 Jul 2009

Re: As a medic, i truly hate you.

i always say thanks with the voice

Longbow · 9 Jul 2009

Re: As a medic, i truly hate you.

Nice find. Some good tips there for people without simple logic.

Should add it to the Motd for all those who can't grasp the fact that the medic is alot more important than them. Even if you have a 20-kill-streak, you'll never be as important as a medic :/

Robbiebob · 10 Jul 2009

Re: As a medic, i truly hate you.

I wonder how long that took to type/make up

Longbow · 10 Jul 2009

Re: As a medic, i truly hate you.

Robbiebob said: ↑

I wonder how long that took to type/make up
Click to expand...

5 - 10 mins if they just came off a server raging

Orion · 11 Jul 2009

Re: As a medic, i truly hate you.

longbow said: ↑

5 - 10 mins if they just came off a server raging
Click to expand...

I'll just quote this for added emphasis.

ProStyle592 · 12 Jul 2009

Re: As a medic, i truly hate you.

Phew, I waited so long for such a topic.
I'm most of all a medic.
And this is right: They have to stop running around when they call for medic @ low health.
Makes it more difficult for the medic to heal them. >_<

Demanufacturer · 16 Jul 2009

Re: As a medic, i truly hate you.

I'll admit i'm a little bit of a Rambo :3
(point 2)

Obaruler · 20 Jul 2009

Re: As a medic, i truly hate you.

Medics seem to be whinny Emo-Pussys ........ if someone annoys you with his behaviour, just tell him to GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY, ILL HEAL YOU IF HELL STARTS FREEZING, and not whine about them -> If its an idiot, just dont heal him and ignore his crying ;-)

Solo Fortress is still something you have to do as a team, a retarded, selfish suicide-pyro just NEEDS an evil fail-ubering bastard-medic to team up with, muahaha

Reag · 20 Jul 2009

Re: As a medic, i truly hate you.

Obaruler said: ↑

Medics seem to be whinny Emo-Pussys ........ if someone annoys you with his behaviour, just tell him to GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY, ILL HEAL YOU IF HELL STARTS FREEZING, and not whine about them -> If its an idiot, just dont heal him and ignore his crying ;-)

Solo Fortress is still something you have to do as a team, a retarded, selfish suicide-pyro just NEEDS an evil fail-ubering bastard-medic to team up with, muahaha
Click to expand...

Thats intresting to hear from a stickywhore...

Obaruler · 20 Jul 2009

Re: As a medic, i truly hate you.

Reag said: ↑

Thats intresting to hear from a stickywhore...
Click to expand...

+1

Muahahahaha, stickys will soon rule the world !!!

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As a medic, i truly hate you.

Orion Dismantler of the sun

Reag My name is an anagram for a reason

FastJohn

Bulletproof Last one alive, Lock the door.

Savage

Bulletproof Last one alive, Lock the door.

Longbow Victorique <3

Robbiebob Non Verba, Sed Acta

Longbow Victorique <3

Orion Dismantler of the sun

ProStyle592

Demanufacturer

Obaruler German Rager/Spamer

Reag My name is an anagram for a reason

Obaruler German Rager/Spamer

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As a medic, i truly hate you.

Orion Dismantler of the sun

Reag My name is an anagram for a reason

FastJohn

Bulletproof Last one alive, Lock the door.

Savage

Bulletproof Last one alive, Lock the door.

Longbow Victorique <3

Robbiebob Non Verba, Sed Acta

Longbow Victorique <3

Orion Dismantler of the sun

ProStyle592

Demanufacturer

Obaruler German Rager/Spamer

Reag My name is an anagram for a reason

Obaruler German Rager/Spamer

Users Viewing Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 0)

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