Dear Dad A father passing by his son’s bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and that everything was picked up and tidy. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, ‘Dad.’ With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands. Dear Dad It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing to you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you. I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings’, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it’s not only the passion, Dad. She’s pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t, really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it! Don’t worry Dad, I’m 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren. Love, your son, Joshua. P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Jason’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the School report that’s on the kitchen table.
I think the saddest part of all this is that the first thing I did was check for the part where you lead us into the fresh prince of bel air opening lyrics. Anyway, next time hide a camera somewhere to check for his reaction. Good stuff.
Buying the Internet another one Customer: “I bought a computer from you guys not 3 weeks ago, and my internet isn’t working.” Employee: “Well the computer itself seems to be operating perfectly…” Customer: “It is NOT working perfectly. I cannot get on the internet. ” Employee: “I understand that; I just mean while the internet itself isn’t working, your computer is functioning properly.” Customer: “My computer is worthless without internet.” (Company policy is to direct her to her ISP for further assistance. So I try to get that info from her so I can give her a proper phone number.) Customer: “Why don’t you just fix it?” Employee: “I’ve run out of things we can try.” Customer: “What is the ISP going to do?” Employee: “They’ll walk you through a few things or at least tell you if there is an outage or other problems in your area.” Customer: “I bought this computer from YOU and YOU should be the ones fixing it.” Employee: “It’s not the computer, it’s the internet. Unfortunately we’re not your internet provider. There’s really nothing more I can do for you.” Customer: “How much do you charge for internet?” Employee: “We do not sell internet.” Customer: “Than who do I buy my internet from?” Employee: “I don’t know. Verizon, perhaps?” Customer: “I suppose I should order some internet.” Employee: “…you haven’t even signed up for it yet!?” Customer: “I wanted to do it on the internet.” Employee: *head explodes*
